"Jesse, you have an Upper Limit Problem."

"Dave, no I don't.  I'm THE most ambitious guy I know.  I want to build something HUGE and live my best life.  I see no limits."

"Yet you aren't living your best life and your company isn't that big…

"Ouch!"

"It’s nothing personal, EVERYONE has an upper limit problem."

I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms.  I was unconvinced.  2 years into coaching and it was the first time I felt like Dave was throwing some coaching mumbo jumbo at me.

But, as Dave explained the concept to me as an "inner happiness" limit, I started to see how this showed up in all parts of my life. 

~ We closed Hulu as a client and I told my wife at dinner.  She smiled and tried to high-five me.  I looked back sternly at her: "Don't jinx it!"

~ We closed a big hire and I worried my other executives would not gel.

~ I just constantly had the feeling of "waiting for a shoe to drop."

As we got close to selling the coming in 2015, I remember actively avoiding my inbox to avoid potential bad news…

Oh, so maybe I DO have an upper-limit problem.

Everyone has one problem. And it’s the same problem.

It’s called The Upper Limit Problem.

This phenomenon might just be the hidden barrier keeping you from achieving the success, happiness, and love you truly deserve.

Let’s go deep into understanding it—and even deeper into solving it.

Each of us has an "inner thermostat" for success and happiness.

This thermostat is set early in life, based on the stories we’re told and the beliefs we internalize.

When you exceed this "setting," your subconscious will find ways to bring you back into the familiar zone, whether through self-sabotage, distractions, or even illness.

Think of the classic lottery winner. Studies show that most lottery winners return to their baseline level of happiness—or even feel worse—within a few years of their windfall.

Their sudden success overwhelms the thermostat, and they unconsciously “lower the temperature” in other areas of life.

Other examples?

• The rockstar who develops a drug addiction.

• The entrepreneur who builds a thriving company only to lose it all.

• The athlete who suffers a career-ending injury.

These aren’t coincidences; they’re signs of an Upper Limit Problem.

According to Gay Hendricks in The Big Leap, our Upper Limits are driven by four hidden barriers:

1. Feeling Fundamentally Flawed

   This is the belief that there’s something wrong with you and you don’t deserve happiness or success. It manifests as thoughts like, “I can’t possibly handle this much good in my life.”

2. Disloyalty and Abandonment

   Success can feel like leaving behind the people and places that shaped you. This fear whispers, “If I thrive, I’ll lose my connection to my roots.”

3. More Success = Bigger Burden

   You’ve heard it before: “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.” The fear here is that more success will only lead to more responsibility, stress, or pressure.

4. Fear of Outshining

   Many of us were taught not to “steal the spotlight” from others, especially siblings, colleagues, or peers. The message becomes, “If I succeed too much, I’ll make others feel bad.”

These barriers operate quietly, shaping your thoughts and actions without your awareness.

Awareness is the first step to overcoming it. Here are some common signs:

• Doubt and Worry: Spinning your wheels with thoughts like, “What if this goes wrong?”

• Criticism and Blame: Finding faults in yourself or others.

• Guilt: Feeling like you don’t deserve your success.

• Self-Sabotage: Procrastinating, arguing, putting your company in risky situations.

• Physical Symptoms: Yes, even getting sick can be your body’s way of hitting the brakes on success.

Take a moment to reflect:

When things start going well, do you notice yourself pulling back in subtle ways? That’s your Upper Limit in action.

Once you’ve recognized the patterns, here’s how to reprogram your thermostat and raise your Upper Limit:

Slow down. Take a breath. Create space to observe your behaviors. What triggers your worry, self-criticism, or negative self-talk? This awareness is the foundation of change.

Your thermostat didn’t get set overnight, and it won’t change overnight either. When you catch yourself falling into old patterns, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself that these reactions are your ego’s way of keeping you safe.

Adopt affirmations to expand your comfort zone. One of my favorites, courtesy of Gay Hendricks, is:

Write it down. Say it out loud. Post it on your mirror or computer. It may feel corny at first, but repetition rewires your brain.

Another great mantra:

Hendricks distinguishes between the Zone of Excellence (things you’re good at but that drain your energy) and the Zone of Genius (things you’re uniquely gifted at and that energize you).

Commit to spending more time in your Zone of Genius. This is where true fulfillment and sustainable success happen.

After reading the book, I started seeing this EVERYWHERE in my life.  Worry, criticism and even getting sick. They all happened to me.  I was committed to my level of happiness.

My Biggest Takeaways

1) Mantra

“I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same.”

It sounds corny but I put that mantra as a repeating alert on my phone. I paused and read it.  There is something about it that just…works.  I found myself being more positive, more hopeful.

2) Living my Zone of Genius

I've written a lot about your Zone of Genius. This book is where it all started.  Once I realized how doing all the zone of competence/excellence stuff was keeping me down, I committed to finding my genius and then living it.

Both made a HUGE difference for me.

The Ultimate Test

The ultimate test came on January 4th, 2023.

>$10,000,000 was wired into my bank account.

After 10+ years, we sold Ampush!  

Would I enjoy it?  Would I start fighting with my wife?  Would I… UPPER LIMIT?

My initial reaction was… FEAR.  "I made this MONEY and NOW I CAN’T LOSE IT."  The feeling lasted a couple of days.  I felt the scarcity.  I let it in.

Then, I spent some of the money on a fancy new car and that felt… good.

Over the coming weeks and months, I focused extra hard on my Genius and the mantra.  And I got "used" to having hit the number AND working with great people AND having a loving happy wife and family AND being healthy.

Did I have bouts of worry?  YES.  Did I find myself needlessly criticizing my new car?  Of course.  I am human after all, but by and large, I felt like I had "raised" my upper limit.

Of course, this will be a lifelong journey but the fruits are already showing and I'm committed to staying on it!

-jesse

PS I recorded and conversation with my coach, Dave Kashen, and Andrew. Notice the first thing Andrew says after seeing Bootstrapped Giants’ financials. Notice anything about his reaction?