Only founders/CEOs understand

About 10 years ago, I had a flurry of emails like this pop into my inbox. Some early employees of Ampush had gone out to start their own companies… And they found that it is HARD as F***!

Did it feel good to receive these emails? Yes, for sure. A part of me was petty and thought, "I told you so!" A part of me finally felt seen.

But then a part of me felt super curious…

Why was it a SURPRISE to these folks how hard the job of founder/CEO is? How come they didn't see it before?

This has changed quite a bit, but back then (and, to some extent, now), there weren’t really enough first-hand accounts of how vexing the job is.

I remember my frustration while reading the autobiographies of Richard Branson and Phil Knight.

They all read the same: "I had this idea, did some cool things to get it off the ground, oh and then 20 years later I became a billionaire."

So unsatisfying.

Let's face it: People don't love to relive or write about the minutiae of the challenges — the tons of decision-making, challenging employees, frustrating clients.

When the story turns out positive, why belabor that stuff?

And if the story turns out negative, nobody buys a book on how you failed.

I give these 3 books to every CEO that works with me:

• The Hard Thing About Hard Things

• The Great CEO Within

• The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

No CEOs talk about the hard stuff! At conferences and to your clients, you're "crushing it." You feel forced to put on a happy face to employees.

Your spouse can never understand what you're going through. So most founders/CEOs on most days simply don't talk about it. It’s not in the narrative.

To add insult to this, since you're the owner/CEO, the common narrative is, "No one gives a shit about your problems. You're the boss — the man."

I remember telling myself this story and feeling how unfair it was… But I couldn't talk to anyone about it!

One thing I love is groups like YPO or Hampton. They really allow for that safe space for leaders to be honest and share simply how tough the job can be.

I'm leading a small group called 833, where I encourage a high degree of openness.

The best example is having a kid. No matter how much you study, talk to parents with kids, look after your nephews and nieces… Nothing can actually prepare you for having a kid.

There are some things that are so involved you need the visceral experience to truly understand them. Once you experience them, you get them.

Until then, they remain a bit of a mystery. Being a founder/CEO is definitely in this category.

This is the first step. I struggled to admit to myself that I was… Struggling. I told myself this is part of the game. I told myself I'm the boss and I shouldn't feel bad for myself.

All this did was keep me knotted up.

Having co-founders helps here a TON. At Ampush, Nick and Chris always had my back. This is a big part of what I do for the GX CEOs.

I regularly remind them that I understand how damn hard their job is, and how no one around them is likely to get it.

You can see their bodies relax when they simply can acknowledge they are doing a hard thing. And they are doing a great job at a hard thing!

I remember quoting The Hard Thing About Hard Things to Adriane early on: The curve on the founder/CEO test is 27/100, so if you're getting a 45, you're way ahead… Yet it still feels like you're failing.

This may be controversial, but I would like to see us (founders/CEOs) share our struggles more often.

Not in a complaining way (although, I remind myself often it’s OK to complain), just in a very honest, matter-of-fact way. Here's what I've found when sharing with…

• Other CEOs: IMMEDIATELY I connect on a deeper level. I learn something and walk away better than when I first started! It’s so much more powerful than saying, "Crushing it! You?” “Yeah, me too!"

• Clients: This one seems so dicey, but I've found clients (the humans) to be a great sounding board for big decisions or challenges. They see the market differently, and rather than having a conversation in my head, I find it powerful to have it with them. I usually find I'm being tougher on myself than they would be.

• Employees: The scariest ones. You're supposed to be a fearless leader, right?  Wrong! It turns out people value HUMANness in their leaders way more fearlessness. I've made this mistake so many times. I think to myself, my job is to lift them up, not the other way around. It turns out this is small thinking. Whenever I open up, I find immediate support and connection.

Next time someone on your team asks how your day is going, be honest: "I'm overwhelmed. I have a lot to do. Three decisions outstanding and I'm not really sure what to do."

It seems strange, maybe, but a crazy realization I had: If you don't tell your team how hard being a CEO is, they WON’T know. Then they won’t feel empathy, and why would they?  You are, in fact, making it look easy.

This is the MOST important and HARDEST thing to do.

Can you look in the mirror and say, “I am doing a GREAT job at a HARD thing.”

Seriously, go try it. Watch how quickly you get in your head and feel awkward.

Just try saying any affirmation: "I am a great CEO.” "I'm doing my best.” "I make good decisions."

This is one of the hardest, yet most powerful, tools you can use. By actually journaling or saying out loud things you appreciate about yourself, that you are proud of, etc…

You will become your own source of strength. And that strength will be with you forever.

I see you. You're doing something super courageous. Most people talk about what you're doing but never do it.

It's a hard, confusing job on every level: Intellectual, emotional, physical. It is lonely and tiring. BUT you are doing it. 

You show up every day. You give it your best and you deserve to be seen and understood, just like everyone else!

Have a great week.

-jesse