The side of me I never talk about publicly

I've had an interesting struggle lately.

I share a lot PUBLICLY: Through this newsletter, X, LinkedIn, and various workshops.

And to the world, I'm a successful entrepreneur, father, and coach-ish person.

However, there's a big part of me that those closest see to varying degrees, but a part I almost never talk about publicly.

And that's my spiritual side, which is relatively new and growing.

The struggle has been: How do I talk about this? I'm a rigorous, results-oriented business person (or am I?).

How do I talk about this much more real and profound journey I'm on without sounding woo-woo or like another internet guru.

Here's my answer: I don't know!

But you gotta start somewhere so this is another (Andrew-inspired) "Journal in Public.”

First, let me start with the benefits of my personal growth and spiritual shift.

There are many, but I'll focus on the biggest 3:

Yes, it sounds corny as f*ck. But man, over the last 5 years, the amount of peace I experience day-to-day has increased dramatically. It's definitely inversely correlated with how much I "think.”

Thinking less has brought me lots of peace. But my levels of joy, peace and serenity are higher, which has improved my quality of life dramatically.

Of course, I had a big exit during that time, so maybe that has contributed, but I know a lot of friends with bigger exits, who feel LESS peace…

Some examples:

I feel like I get more done, even though I go slower than I used to.

I feel like my conversations are richer.

I'm on a regular workout schedule for the first time ever (3 years running).

I can say without hesitation that my relationships, in aggregate, are the best they've ever been in my life: With my wife, our kids, my mom and dad, other family, friends, and with my partners at work.

I appreciate all of them and feel appreciated. I regularly express love, and vice versa.

It’s gotten so "good" that now even when just minor conflicts can stir me up, I try to be quick to repair.

Yes, financial success. Gateway X and the businesses are trending to be double the size Ampush was in half the time!

But way beyond financial success, I enjoy 80% of my days and feel energized to work. I think I'm a great husband and father.

I also feel physically successful (am in shape, keeping weight off).

I attribute 90%+ of the above 3 things to my personal growth and spiritual journey.

But Jesse, what is spirituality?

I don't really know, but let's unpack it...

For me, this journey started (no surprise) in business/entrepreneurship. I've told the story a bunch about how I lost my way in 2017.

I started working with Dave Kashen, my good friend and longtime coach, and our work started with one word: Awareness.

"Notice, Jesse. Simply notice yourself. Your thoughts, your feelings, etc."

I remember reading the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. I said to my wife, "This almost reads like a religious text."

When I was younger, I studied religion briefly in high school and college, reading translations of every major text.

15 Commitments didn't talk about God, but there was something spiritual in it.

The first (and most important concept) they introduce you to is: Above the Line and Below the Line.

When you are Above, you are open, curious, creative and filled with love.

When you are Below, you are in a state of threat, closed off and protective.

A lot of coaching centered around just knowing "where I was" and, it turned out, when I was Above the Line, I felt better and was more effective.

When I was Below the Line, I was suffering, and often started choosing not to make decisions or live from that place.

The shifting process was about love and acceptance of myself, which, again, may sound corny, but works amazingly well and leads to some real healing and growth.

As I built my self-awareness, I generally found myself being more intentional, slowing down, and being more open-hearted. That was my first clue.

But "spirituality" became clearer to me when reading books like The Power of Now or The Untethered Soul. The crossover is pretty simple:

"Yes, Jesse. You've become more aware of those thoughts, sensations, feelings, reactions… but who are YOU?"

Pause there for a second.

Are you your name or body? When you die, your body will still be there, but YOU will be gone.

In my case, WHO was becoming aware of the thoughts, feelings, etc.

For most of my life, whatever that little voice in my head said to me ("I think this,” “I feel this.”), I thought THAT WAS ME.

As I built more separation between that voice and the actual ME, something kinda crazy dawned on me…

If I'm not that voice, I am the one LISTENING to the voice and then DECIDING what to do it. So, I am the listener (or witness) of the speaker, not the speaker.

Once I realized that, I wanted to build the "muscle" of that listener more and more — the ability to cultivate and maintain it.

Meditation became a great tool because it was literally sitting as listener and listening to the speaker say things, becoming more and more certain it wasn't me.

I have come to know this witness/listener as consciousness or awareness. It’s sort of the "space" of existence that we live in and, in some sense, the whole world/universe lives in.

As I talk with more and more people, I realize EVERYONE has the same 2 parts of them (the speaker and the listener).

And to pull the string through, at least in Sikhism, that listener, that awareness, IS "God," or "Oneness" that connects all of us.

So, what is spirituality? I think it’s the first time you realize that:

A) You are not that voice in your head

B) That there is something much bigger and more connected in you (call it what you want)

What's super cool about awareness, meditation and cultivating this perspective is it doesn't have to be religious and, in fact, you don't have to BELIEVE anything to gain the benefits I described at the beginning.

I believe science and spirituality are merging as we prove that meditation and other practices drive happiness, peace, focus and tons of other amazing experiences.

What do you think?

jesse

P.S.

This was harder to write than most business emails. I’m curious: Does this resonate with you all? Hit reply and let me know if you’ve had any similar experiences with spirituality, awareness or just feeling like there’s “more” to life than the daily grind.