What my 10-year-old taught me about work-life balance

I hate the start of summer.

It's the one time I question my schedule and priorities. Why? Because my kids are out of school.

Two weeks ago, my son came in my room and asked, "When are we going to the zoo?!" I looked at him and said, "I'm not going. I'm heading to the office."

His look of disappointment was heartbreaking.

Then two things happened:

1. He realized that adults don't get summer break and was shocked.

2. He asked me a tough question: "But Papa, I thought you said you don't HAVE to work."

My stomach churned. I've gone out of my way to tell my kids that, while I don't have to work, I choose to because it fills my cup, I enjoy creating and hard work is something I value. 

The idea was to set them up with a unique POV on work — not “have” to, but "get" to. Choose what lights you up and do it.

Now, it felt like it was backfiring.

I spoke my truth, “I'm bummed to not be with you guys throughout summer AND I do like my work. But the good news is… in a few weeks, we're going away for TWO WEEKS to Japan and I'll be all yours.”

His face lit up, "Ohhh yeaaaa!" He's been looking forward to this vacation since he was 6 or 7. 

I told my kids that, for each of their 10th birthdays, they can choose the destination of the annual family trip and they can fly business class (to let them live the good life!).

Ricky chose Japan, and I'm writing this while on the way — and you're reading this while we are actually celebrating his birthday in Japan! (It’s 6/23 here.) 

Below is our itinerary (which I did not see before the trip, believe it or not!!):

Why am I sharing this?

I do these vacations for 3 really important reasons:

One of my favorite recent reads is Die With Zero.

In it, Bill Perkins shares the concept of a "memory dividend.” It’s like a financial dividend: you have the "main event" and then, for the rest of your life, you reap the benefits every time you think about it or remember a fun aspect of it. 

Over time, I believe a rich life is filled with THESE dividends as much as it might be filled with financial dividends.

This is our eldest's 10th birthday. We’re immersing ourselves in a totally different culture. We are going to Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto. 

We are doing tons of fun kid activities, like cat cafés, Mario Kart driving, and watching a sumo wrestling match. We are doing a day trip to Hiroshima.

We will NEVER forget this time.

That is priceless.

Last summer, we spent nearly a month in Spain; the year before that, a couple weeks in Turkey; and the year before that, 2 weeks in Italy. One of the most heart-warming things is when the kids reference their experiences.

My rules for vacations are simple:

1. Slack and email are off

2. I'm reachable via text or phone, sometimes. (For my honeymoon, I was not available. I gave my hotel info to my co-founders and told them to call if there was an emergency.)

3. I will not attend any meetings or calls

Vacation mode on:

I focus my time on being with the family, soaking in where I am, reading and, usually, meditating. I find this leads to a lot of benefits:

• People step up: I've rarely return to a bunch of unresolved bottlenecks. Nope, people jump in and handle things. I sit there and archive 95% of email threads. I always have the humbling thought… “Huh, I am replaceable!”

• Holes get spotted: Let’s face it, all leaders unknowingly plug holes on their teams. Maybe your inbox gets a report no one else gets. Maybe a client only feels comfortable with you. When you truly unplug, you can quickly spot those holes.

• Rest and Renewal is Commitment 9 of Conscious Leadership — because it works. I love the feeling of not having anywhere to be or anything to do. That neutral zone then leads me to rediscover my excitement for my work. And I LOVE that feeling.

And, of course…

We all get caught up in the day-to-day. People, problems and opportunities pull on our brain and our time. 

Even if we think we are seeing things clearly and thinking long-term, it doesn't take more than a few days of being unplugged to realize, “WHOA, I was not zoomed out at all.”

Anytime I take a vacation, it’s like "shower ideas" X 1,000. My brain isn't focused on email or work things and it starts really giving me remarkable clarity. 

My best ideas and perspective shifts happen when I'm fully unplugged.

Some examples:

In 2021, I was on vacation when I realized I wanted to work on social content and personal brand!

I was reading others’ threads and felt I could add value to the conversation. That was HUGE for me. Since then, I have published on LinkedIn and X consistently. It helped my businesses and added wonderful relationships.

A couple years ago, I remember my perspective shifting dramatically on how I spend my time. 

I went from trying to use every minute of my day to build in spaciousness purposefully. I realized there was value in time to think.

These perspective shifts are game-changers.

SO, enjoy your week ahead. I will still be in Japan and, hopefully, will have a big perspective shift to report!

jesse

PS Thanks for hitting reply on last week’s email and flooding Andrew with messages. If you made it this far, hit reply and tell me and Andrew what you’re up to this summer. He’ll share his summer plans with everyone who replies.