What you Appreciate, Appreciates

My hands trembled slightly. My face was red and flushed. I could feel my chest tightening.

The year was 2015. I stood in front of 150+ Ampushers at our town hall meeting where people submitted anonymous questions:

• Why doesn't the CEO care about employees?

• Do the founders actually prioritize technology instead of overworking junior employees?

• What is my stock worth?

• Why don’t the managers have any training?

I felt defensive and afraid. Of course, I didn't know that at the time. So, I immediately went into solution mode.

"It seems people are feeling under-appreciated and unheard. I hear you!"

I was extremely well-practiced in CEO-speak…

"Here's what I'm going to do IMMEDIATELY: we are rolling out a kudos and appreciation initiative!  $10 Gift cards for anyone you work with, a slack channel, and manager training!  We will create a culture of appreciation.  Kim (my head of people), this is your top initiative!"

Everyone cheered, and off we went…

A few town halls later…

• No one has posted in the Slack channel in 3 months

• Gift cards are a joke people give each other to grab free lunches

• Half of the managers we trained left

Similar questions come in, this time with more snark. I'm at a loss.

I go to Dave (my coach) because I'm frustrated and sad. He looks at me lovingly and in his calm, thoughtful voice asks one simple question:

"Jesse, do you actually FEEL appreciation?"

My first response was: “Of course I do! Everyone's working hard blah blah…”

He paused me.

"Not in your head, Jesse. In your body."

I paused. "No Dave, I feel like we're not doing enough. I feel like things are breaking, like competitors are coming and the biz model is flawed…"

Dave: "As long as you don't feel and express appreciation, your company culture will never be one of appreciation."

After Thanksgiving, I'm sure most of you went around a table awkwardly with family and said one random thing you're thankful for.

It happened quickly and then everyone got back to gossiping, politics, or baby pictures.

The only thing more awkward than that? Corporate appreciation when it feels forced/not genuine.

So, how do you change this?

This took me a long time to learn and then believe.

Modeling behavior is the single most powerful way you, as a leader, can create shifts in the organization (this is also true for parenting!).

Whatever behavior you want to see more of, you have to start doing it yourself. And it's like MAGIC, the whole organization follows.

Nagging people, creating programs, etc.? That never works.

I've written before on my journey with gratitude but I’ll recap some of it here.

Human beings are hardwired to spot threats and look for the negative.

When you start a company, your "reptile brain" is on overdrive. So to simply move from that to neutral, it's important to regularly FEEL gratitude.

Feeling it means: pausing, breathing, getting present, and then letting in the feelings of things being good. Get as specific as possible.

Start small!

What finally worked for me was focusing on myself and feeling gratitude. I didn't announce anything in a big company meeting.

I just regularly took a few minutes at the end or beginning of meetings to thank a few people for a few specific things.

Very quickly, it became a "norm".

Without much effort, agendas started having an item that said "appreciation and acknowledgments.”

The most interesting experiment was starting all the new companies at Gateway X. There was none of the "young Jesse" baggage that Ampush had.

The teams had no battle scars from past awkward town halls where their coworkers complained passive-aggressively.

Gratitude and appreciation are a core part of the culture. And we've never once "forced" it.

The 3 distinctions I always share:

1. Gratitude

This is something you feel yourself. No one else is required. It could be for something in your life, for your own actions, or for someone else's actions.

It could even be for something as simple as your feet. (Imagine your life without your feet!)

2. Appreciation

Appreciation is expressing gratitude TO that person. Essentially, it’s thanking them for doing something for you or helping you. "I appreciate you for helping me on this project."

3. Acknowledgement

This is more like recognition. You saw someone do something that may not have impacted you, but you saw it nonetheless. "I acknowledge you for having that tough conversation with the client."

You know stems are my favorite teaching device. Especially for getting used to saying awkward things.

A few starter stems:

“I appreciate it when you…

“I acknowledge you for…

“My energy goes up when you…

“Thank you for…

My friends at the Conscious Leadership Group have this awesome 30-day appreciation handout.

I love how they say: "What you appreciate, appreciates.” Or more clearly: "What you put your attention on, grows in value."

This took me a long time to actually believe…I used to think people did better when you pushed them and gave them lots of feedback. You may think this too.

Your turn! Pick ONE positive behavior in your organization that you want to grow. It could be how analytical everyone is, or how good at sales, or anything like that.

For the next 30 days, use this handout to help you emphasize that specific behavior. Don't announce/share anything, just do it. You’ll see what happens.

So there you have it.

Happy Thanksgiving and Happy December!

-jesse